On The Menu This Evening:
BLT Sandwich, Mandarin Oranges, A Tall Glass Of Milk ...
and an extra helping of reality!

Well, it's a strong possibility that I need to add "serial relationship slayer" to my impressive resume of "computer killer" and "serial fishy murderer".

Earlier today, I took an unprecedented step and asked NewBoy to join me for one of three occasions (yes, this time there was a number three): an evening that I had planned to spend with him (but ended up with Princess that night because R made other plans), joining me for Princess' upcoming birthday party, or waiting until Labor Day weekend to spend any significant time with me (have much to do over the next few weeks). Yes, you read all of that correctly: I extended the invitation to meet Princess and/or my family.

This behavior is unprecedented because: I am fiercely protective of my daughter, and keep my family rather "in the dark" about my social life. I have recently discussed how I compartmentalize my life, and I realized today that I think that was a major factor in the long-suffering alienation of R (not that it excuses his infidelity, emotionally destructive behavior, and other issues, but I digress).

Yet while this openness with the rest of my life is unprecedented, I think it was a harsh serving of reality for NewBoy. See, up until about three hours ago, I was a hot chick with some *serious* skills. But in truth, I'm far more than that. I'm actually a pretty complex and warm person, and to let someone get to know that side of me ... I'm going to have to let them "in".

We shall see whether I break the mold, or add another talent to my resume today (other than, of course, fabulously talented artist).

7:40 AM EDIT: Thought that I would perceive it differently in the light of day. Ummm, nope. Still the same assessment of the conversation. Why, you ask? Well, it was pretty much a train wreck on my part.

How is it possible that someone that has made a living by communicating with others, can fail so miserably at just coming right out and SAYING things? I stammered, I stuttered, and I didn't really get ANYTHING out. To top it all off, I didn't sleep worth a crap either because of this - I tossed and turned and just couldn't sleep. Don't get me wrong, there wasn't anything really negative, per se, that was brought up. Really, the conversation was a positive one. In fact, I'm sure other (translated: lesser) men would have bailed out at the point that I finally opened up the floodgates and let a good part of it out. But he didn't. Impressive.

Life was a lot damned easier when I was emotionally unavailable. I need a drink. Yes, it's 7:40 AM. It's gotta be noon somewhere.