today was gonna be the day
but they'll never bring it back to you
by now you shoulda somehow
realized what you gotta do

Through the course of conversation with NewBoy last night, we discussed my character flaws. He mentioned in passing that he had noted my insecurities (did I just bust him out for reading here?). Well, it's true. I am a bit insecure. Again, I've spent the last five years of my life having my head toyed with by people and my trust betrayed and shattered by the people I've loved the most. This phenomenon can cause two things to happen in a woman's mind: she can either become insecure and slightly less self-assured, or she can completely flip the other way and be a cold and bitter bitch. I guess it's a good thing that I went the insecure route, eh?

Really, I'm not a clingy kind of person (with exception to this journal, of course ... I'm officially addicted to blogging). I'm fiercely independent, and have a total "let me just figure it out for myself" mentality. But I think my paranoia and knack for over-analyzation is starting to reach out and claim any possible relationship. And paranoia + control freak = a free trip to the padded cell.

Adding to today's random psychoanalysis: the neurosis that is J. He decided to surface. Apparently he has been ill all weekend, and has decided that a prudent course of action in a relationship (or whatever the hell this is) is to not call a woman for three days ... then pop up like nothing is wrong. Part of me wants to tell him, in no uncertain terms, to kiss my ass. But the other part of me, the Florence Nightingale part, wants to just sigh and forgive him. I think I'll let the email sit in my inbox for a little while longer before I decide which will win out ... my heart, or my head.