The more things change, the more they remain...insane.
Michael Fry & T. Lewis, Over the Hedge, 05-09-04
 
So, I spent some time chatting with J tonight.  Things are "strained", at best.  The playful banter just doesn't seem to flow quite so freely from my mouth, as I'm apparently letting my head lead again.   I'm afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing for right now, and just kind of walking on eggshells with him.  Is it wrong to just want to rewind a day or so?  I want to go back to the giddiness of the centrifuge of infatuation I was spinning in a week ago. 

I think that this can be fixed, eventually.  But the question now is: am I willing to try?  I mean, I just spent the last few months trying to get my head out of my ass with the whole R thing, and I find myself back in a similar position with a new beau.   What the hell?

I am Princess-less for the remainder of the weekend, so my social schedule is particularly flexible.  I think giving J until Sunday to get his shit together is a fair amount of time, don't you? 

But J, although the base of my issues and my main emotional stressor, isn't the only stressor in my life right now. 

Add in work stress: First thing Monday morning, they let go 125 people in my division alone.  And the best part?  We were informed that it was just round one.  It is estimated that TheFirm will eliminate nearly 10,000 jobs ... I wasn't worried about it impacting me until today.  J was out on installs all day long, so I didn't have him to call me and keep my mind off of everything.

Add in R stress: he's sick.  He stopped by to pick up the Princess tonight, and you can tell he's ill just by looking at him.  When he's really sick, his eyes get pink around the rims, and he's really ill. 

Add in insomnia stress: I haven't been sleeping well again.  I think my body just wants to think and think and think - and not sleep.  I get like this when I have a lot of things going on in my life, and I usually just medicate it with any random analgesic that ends in "PM".   I'm going on my fourth consecutive night of needing to PM it to get any rest. 

And in closing, today's Martini-ism.  This gem came from an IM conversation with MAV about a hottie boy ... "I'm not the best person to ask right now.  I am a bumbling retard that needs beat senseless.   ..::pause::..  Oh my god don't say retarded."