Maybe I didn't break Big. Maybe was me that couldn't be broken. Some women can't BE broken, they just have to run wild until they find someone to run wild with them.

I'm completely hooked on Sex And The City on TBS. I've been watching it every night this week. They haven't hacked it up too badly so far, but there are some classic episodes that they just won't be able to show ... for example, The Rabbit.

Tonight, the first episode shown was the one where Big drops it on Carrie that he and Natasha are engaged. I have been told by many a friend that I'm Carrie reincarnated, and as I watched the show, it reminded me of where I'm at in life right now. I'm continually trying to be just R's friend, and I don't know if I can do it. We do this really odd dance, where we are "friends", but neither of us ever admit to dating someone else. He never even confirmed the existence of BarWhore to me, I did it for him. I don't know if I can be just his friend. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to want it to be all or nothing? I really have tried to be patient and understanding, and kind, and blah blah blah. But until I reconcile the fact that I have to stop comparing every other man to R, I'll continue to be alone.

Other news ... it's just lunch. Right? Girlfriend introed me to a very nice guy that is an AVP at the same firm as us. Not sure if it will ever be anything other than friends, but in the worst case scenario, I've made a new friend.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The second episode tonight is the one where Charlotte meets Troy. Maybe there's a silver lining after all.