When I fall in love I take my time
There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind

Credit for today's title goes to a newly found favorite musician ... Jason Mraz. His music is wonderful! I also have a really great version of him singing "Rainbow Connection", one of my most favorite songs. He was on The Morning Zoo and he took requests ... he accompanied himself on an acoustic guitar. It's awesome ... worth the registration on the Zoo site to get the audio.

Notice the poll over there in the sidebar ... exercise your right and go vote. DISCLAIMER: it's just for fun, not going to make any impact on my decision. Tell me what ya think.

Daily random observation: Dating sucks. It's a waste of my time. I don't want to dance the dance that it requires. I want to cut straight to the heart of it all ... is it appropriate to have your introduction go like this ... "Hi, I'm Martini. I like to leave my dirty clothes on the floor of my bedroom, and watch TV on the couch in my underwear. What's that, you say? You don't like my snoring? Oh OK. This just isn't going to work out. Thanks for calling."

Today was truly one of the most boring days I can remember for a long time. Work is in a lull (actually, I've thrown myself so far into my work that I have completed all of my major projects for right now ... but I digress ...) and I know that it's going to pick up big time here pretty soon. It's what I like to call "the calm before the storm". I have been battling some migraine headaches lately, and I'm sure they are a result of the stress I've put on myself lately.

Emailed back and forth with R for a while today. We talked about a stock he's been following lately, and got the play by play of its rise and fall. You know, it really is nice to talk about absolutely totally nothing with him. By that I mean that I'm glad that the mundane conversation has started to return. Everything doesn't have to be so heavy and loaded, you know? I just like talking about everyday stuff sometimes, and forget the hard stuff that life is throwing at me. The comfort level that we have isn't all that great yet, but I think it's because he is wary of me. He mentioned that he doesn't quite know how to respond to all of the information I've loaded on him in the past few months. And truthfully, I don't know how I would respond if I were in his shoes. It's really a lot to take. In the past three months, I have literally dumped everything on him that I should have told him in the past year. I'm really trying to just have a laissez-faire mentality about this, because I hold out hope that if I just let it happen naturally and not try quite so hard, that it will happen for us.

On the family front, I'm just OK for now. It's really hard to take the stuff that's going on with my mom. The corticosteroids are really doing a number on her. She's vomiting constantly, swollen, and miserable. I thought these things were supposed to make her feel better, instead of worse. I'll be glad to go home to mom and dad's. Honestly, I think I just need to get out of Columbus for a little while. Everything and everyone is just staring me in the face, and I need an escape from reality for a few days. I am going to meet up with the girls while I'm up visiting the parents for the weekend, and just decompress. I need it.

Up until I found out how sick my mom is, I really had been toying with just up and moving to another state. Now, I just can't go until she's gone, I'd never forgive myself. I know that I'm just running from everyone and everything by moving, but it sounded like a good idea at the time. My dream is to move to St. Thomas and live. Carribbean Sea, great shopping, but still retaining my American citizenship that I cherish so much. How could I go wrong?

I don't get The Princess back till Friday. At first, during the time that I was actually enjoying dating, I welcomed the free time. But honestly, now I need her here with me. She really is part of my heart and soul. This house just isn't a home without her here. Her toys are neatly organized, put on shelves and in the boxes. I want her to be here making a mess all over my floor, grinding goldfish crackers into the carpet, and chasing "the meeeee-yoww" all over the place.

I know this is really long and really random. I'm pretty miserable. I miss my girl. And after Monday's crying fit, I'm not coping well with the R thing right now either. I know that only time will heal these wounds. I need to just give him time and space. But it's really hard, because I want to share all my happiness and my joy and my sadness and my anger and ... my life with him.

I'm tired. I think I have another night of Excedrin PM in my future. Have meetings all day tomorrow, so I have to get some sleep tonite. After American Idol. Oh, and The O.C. So, 10 PM is bedtime.