My life's in the pooper, and God has his hand on the flush valve.

I really am making a conscious effort to be more positive, but good Lord it's so hard to be that way today. It just seems like my day has kicked me in the ass every way I turn. Ever since my earlier "Stuart Smalley" entry, it just went way the freak down hill.

R can't find a sitter for Friday nite, and there is no way in hell I'm about to blow $50 on ballet tickets when I'm not 100% guaranteed I'm going to use them. So I have to cough up a "plan b". Got any ideas? I was really looking forward to the ballet, but it's not to be, apparently. I just keep telling myself ... BE FLEXIBLE. But it's tough.

Princess has been a 4-wheel-drive brat the past few days. She's taken to biting, and screaming temper tantrums. I know in my heart that it's just all about the terrible twos. But I still have that nagging concern that it's her way of acting out because she's really stressed from the divorce. I will always second guess myself, no matter what happens.

At any rate, here's something to make you smile ... and think. I got it from the author of the la la la la lemon journal via email. Enjoy.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY SAME-SEX MARRIAGES WILL RUIN SOCIETY

1. Homosexuality is not natural.
(Like computers, airplanes and telephones – these unnatural things have no place in our society.)

2. Only heterosexual marriages are valid because only they can produce children.
(Which is why we do not allow infertile couples and old people to marry.)

3. Gay parents will only end up raising gay children.
(Just as straight parents only raise straight children.)

4. Gay marriage will tarnish the institution of marriage.
(Just as Britney Spears' two-day just for fun" marriage and Brigham Young's 56 wives strengthened marriage.)

5. Heterosexual marriage is traditional.
(That's why women are property, can't vote, and why Blacks are kept as slaves.)

6. Same-Sex marriage is an issue that should be decided by people, not the courts.
(Because elected legislators, not the courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.)

7. Same-Sex marriage is not supported by religious teachings.
(In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. This is why we only have one religion in America.)

8. Same-Sex marriage will only encourage straight people to be gay.
(In the same way that brown-eyed people in the presence of blue-eyed people are encouraged to change the color of their eyes.)

9. Legalizing same-sex marriage will open the door for all kinds of perverted behaviors, like people marrying their pets.
(Because dogs and cats are recognized as citizens and can legally sign contracts and marriage licenses.)

10. Children cannot grow up to be functioning adults without both male and female role models at home.
(This is why it is illegal for single parents to live with their children.)

Bon soir!