Keep on roaming Bert! We don't want any crazy today!

Today was my weekly head shrinking. I'm not fond of the "after work" appointment, I like the "lunchtime dose of reality" far better than the "lets just ruin the evening" thing. I have absolutely no desire to have an evening appointment again, because it drains me. Then, I just come home alone and do nothing. It's annoying.

Anyways, we talked about what I want to gain from the whole counselling experience and when I thought I would be "healed". I said that it was not likely for me to be "healed" until I had some resolution to the R issue. I realized today that what is hindering my life is there is no resolution in sight. I think that if there were a resolution in sight, no matter whether it was "get out of my life for good", or "let's make a go of it, and see where life takes us" ... that I would be able to begin the healing process. I'm not sure how long it would take, but it would help to know where I'm going. I just won't ask Mapquest.

I am a very "black and white" person, by nature. I chose a profession that requires me to be that way, because I'm a stickler for rules. I don't deal well with the unknown, and I don't function well with the things I can't control. I know I can't control this situation with R, and I think that's what's making me nuts. My therapist and I spent the entire hour today talking about what makes me like that, and if I can ever change that. I said that sure, people can always change, but this bizarre flaw of mine is part of my DNA, I think. Not likely to change.

In other news, I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR for Friday. Did I tell you that R is going with me to the Ballet? YAY! I bought a new shirt on Sunday, but I don't know what pants I will wear with it. I have a feeling I will end up in my standard uniform of black and gunmetal grey. Maybe a fun new pair of shoes is in the cards. And why not ... I deserve them.