Quaker Steak And Lube on All You Can Eat Wings nite at least once a month. Before you say anything, it's not like that ... it would be like sleeping with my brother. At any rate, C and his girlfriend went for wings with me. I ate maybe two wings. I just can't eat. I get like this when I'm really stressed / depressed.

Adding insult to injury, I ran into an old friend at the Lube while we were there. He confirmed the rumor that I had heard from a friend that saw R at a concert last week ... I would prefer not to get into the specifics, but shall we say that the confirmation of what I already knew has just turned my stomach. I thought I was OK with him seeing other women, because it would be quite hypocritical of me to be angry with him for doing what I have already done. But I'm really upset. I cried in front of C. Not just a few tears, we're talking WATERWORKS crying. Crocodile tears. And I sobbed all the way home. What the hell is my malfunction?

Why do I feel like this? Shouldn't I be angry at R for what he's done to me, and the utter lack of respect he's shown me thus far? Did he NOT think that his antics would get back to me? Or maybe he did think that it would get back to me. I don't know.

Since Sunday, this is the grand sum-total of what I have eaten: Three Diet Pepsi's, a bagel with lite cream cheese, a hot chocolate, half of a chef salad with Fat-Free French, and three chicken wings. I can't eat. I'm not sleeping again. I shouldn't let this wretched situation rent any more space in my brain, but I just can't seem to help myself. I just feel like Happy Bunny had his way with me.

I'm a hypocrite. And I'm a wimp for crying like that in public. And my heart is breaking again, and again, and again ...